Youngin'

Just a thought: I hate being at this age where parents can't let go. I'm 19 and still have a curfew. I get an angry father if I come home past midnight. I can't be a little girl forever. I wish they'd realize that. There is one difference though. I don't drive. Perhaps that will be a good thing once I hit 21. But for now, I feel so trapped. Will I be considered grown up once I'm fully independent?

We shall see soon.

GDF in 20 days...

Antagonist

Since when did image actually become negative judgment?  Since when was slightly overweight considered beastly? Since when did I become the way I am now? Why am I even wasting my breath on this topic? Weren't we raised to believe we must love ourselves no matter what our shape?

Why can't this be me now?

There is only one answer to that question above. I, among many other people, are antagonized by whoever doesn't approve of average persons but would rather have someone of more slender body type. These persons can be anyone.

I know what I've written above is extremely common in the United States. I know I'm just regurgitating crusty old news that everyone knows about.

But, it's a wound I have to lick everyday.

I don't have the heart to call out this person while writing entries in my journal. All I know is that I can't escape it until I leave for GDF. They seemingly enjoy making me feel like I shouldn't be alive until I'm thin like they are. I live in an environment were there are four people and two body types. I, am the less fortunate, and constantly get trampled by snide comments or a deep and painful slap of words expressing shame, disappointment, and resentment.

I've been living like this for too long. When will this world understand that I just want to be left to be me? Normalcy doesn't exist because there isn't a fine line. Not a single person is "normal", they just have their own lifestyle.

Shouldn't they care that I'm healthy? I do exercise. However, I can't focus my entire person on being a health fanatic.

All I want to say is this, either they can leave me alone or I will leave. I love them, but love doesn't continue to hurt if the recipient already knows what's wrong with them. Tough love or true love... I know both very well and intend to keep it that way. Take me or leave me.... It's their choice over mine. I am not going to change willingly if all they do is criticize who I've become versus who I am.

*Screaming*

Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!! Show of Shows!!!!

I'm going.... Yay.

Need a car...  Boo.

Perhaps

Intriguing day... I got someone to semi agree with me about trusting me to become my own person.

All I need now is GDF to start and gain my independence so I could prove to them that I can change myself to become who I want to be without criticism. I'm ecstatic.

Leaving for Summer in the City soon. I can't wait to do this camp as a counselor! It's so strange, but it feels so good!

I'm laughing because my method is still mine. Trip trip fall... Get up. Trip trip fall... Get up. Move on... The cycle continues.... I'm surviving...

I've noticed that I've been writing a lot.

I'm posting things about Adam and other random things that have nothing to do with what's generally written. Read if you are interested. Content may vary.. You have been forewarned! (Nothing bad, I swear.)

( Times with Adam )