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c_for_chaosIntriguing day... I got someone to semi agree with me about trusting me to become my own person.
All I need now is GDF to start and gain my independence so I could prove to them that I can change myself to become who I want to be without criticism. I'm ecstatic.
Leaving for Summer in the City soon. I can't wait to do this camp as a counselor! It's so strange, but it feels so good!
I'm laughing because my method is still mine. Trip trip fall... Get up. Trip trip fall... Get up. Move on... The cycle continues.... I'm surviving...
I've noticed that I've been writing a lot.
I'm posting things about Adam and other random things that have nothing to do with what's generally written. Read if you are interested. Content may vary.. You have been forewarned! (Nothing bad, I swear.)
All I need now is GDF to start and gain my independence so I could prove to them that I can change myself to become who I want to be without criticism. I'm ecstatic.
Leaving for Summer in the City soon. I can't wait to do this camp as a counselor! It's so strange, but it feels so good!
I'm laughing because my method is still mine. Trip trip fall... Get up. Trip trip fall... Get up. Move on... The cycle continues.... I'm surviving...
I've noticed that I've been writing a lot.
I'm posting things about Adam and other random things that have nothing to do with what's generally written. Read if you are interested. Content may vary.. You have been forewarned! (Nothing bad, I swear.)
Another interesting part of my day was spent with Adam. We talked about a lot of stuff. It was semi-adorable. I kind of dislike this rollercoaster of a relationship. Mostly, it's me. I feel bad for him. But he takes my emotional hits with a strength that I didn't see in the beginning.
Anyway, on with what was conversed....
I've always had mixed views on wanting kids and marriage. When Adam and I were at a party over the weekend, we were talking with Bradford and Amanda. Bradford had said that he knows that Adam and I will get married. Bradford is a good guy and he's been my best friend since 6th grade. Adam was standing up because he was roasting a marsh mallow. He immediately responded with a "no". Then came the "do you want kids?" question. I said no and Adam said he wanted at least two. Adam explained that we wouldn't be a good match. I was irritated because he answered for me for the questions answered. I don't like it when people put words in my mouth.
Today, however, we were talking about kids. Every conversation in the past about kids was me explaining why I hated the little buggers. Today was different. It started out as us sitting on my couch after eating some Jap Chae, a Korean noodle dish. Adam ate most of mine because I can only stand it to an extent. We were sitting on my couch and I randomly put my head to his stomach and said in a little kid's voice, "baby?". He was laughing and returned the awkward gesture. That brought on the topic. I explained my fears and told him what I truly felt. We also discussed the disability factor and how scared and insecure I was with the idea of having a kid who is embarrassed of their mother because she can't see. (I have someone who is like that living with me.) I am slowly changing. I guess... But, we talked about it. He was fearing that he may be a bad father or too strict or relaxed. Everything blossomed and we were taking everything slowly and being serious about it. Don't get any ideas. Nothing happened.
There was an adorable moment of the exchange of "I love you"s and a kiss. Because for once, I revealed how I really felt about children. It felt good to be truthful and not withdrawn.
Anyway, on with what was conversed....
I've always had mixed views on wanting kids and marriage. When Adam and I were at a party over the weekend, we were talking with Bradford and Amanda. Bradford had said that he knows that Adam and I will get married. Bradford is a good guy and he's been my best friend since 6th grade. Adam was standing up because he was roasting a marsh mallow. He immediately responded with a "no". Then came the "do you want kids?" question. I said no and Adam said he wanted at least two. Adam explained that we wouldn't be a good match. I was irritated because he answered for me for the questions answered. I don't like it when people put words in my mouth.
Today, however, we were talking about kids. Every conversation in the past about kids was me explaining why I hated the little buggers. Today was different. It started out as us sitting on my couch after eating some Jap Chae, a Korean noodle dish. Adam ate most of mine because I can only stand it to an extent. We were sitting on my couch and I randomly put my head to his stomach and said in a little kid's voice, "baby?". He was laughing and returned the awkward gesture. That brought on the topic. I explained my fears and told him what I truly felt. We also discussed the disability factor and how scared and insecure I was with the idea of having a kid who is embarrassed of their mother because she can't see. (I have someone who is like that living with me.) I am slowly changing. I guess... But, we talked about it. He was fearing that he may be a bad father or too strict or relaxed. Everything blossomed and we were taking everything slowly and being serious about it. Don't get any ideas. Nothing happened.
There was an adorable moment of the exchange of "I love you"s and a kiss. Because for once, I revealed how I really felt about children. It felt good to be truthful and not withdrawn.
