Catching Up

The wake was inevitable....
I didn't expect people to cry like that when I read my eulogy to my uncle.
There were 80+ people in the room and of course, they were almost all Korean.
Damn, the language barrier....
I read with the heaviest of hearts and the shakiest of hands.
The words danced on the page as tears blurred my vision.
I had to have the font be 24 and still have my face blocked by the three sheets of paper.
Perhaps the type should've been size 30 or more.
But my voice was clear and didn't crack until three words from the end.
I had to pause a couple times to catch my breath and swallow my sadness.

I know it's been a week since I last wrote in this journal.
I think I'm actually an angrier human being now that I lost someone close to me.
It almost feels like every moment I have I blow by losing control of my temper.
It's not so good...
I just want to lock myself in my room and not come out.
I wish Adam understood what it's like for me.
There's always a set back with him. Always....

I spent tonight alone....
Yeah - many more weekends like that to come...
Staying home SUCKS!!!
Lame sauce...........!!!!!!!! I am SO bored!!!

Mystery Boy

My sister has a boyfriend.
She's always out with him and I've never met him.
I'm actually impressed because their one month moniversary will be Tuesday the 3rd.
I didn't expect her FIRST EVER relationship with a guy to last this long.
She doesn't want to introduce him to me because she thinks I'm not suitable to meet him.
The boy, on the other hand, probably thinks I'm a jerk, because I pester my sister so much.
You can't blame me for being older and enjoying my time annoying my sister while I'm home.
I never bothered her while I was away at NIU.
I mean, she doesn't actually think I'll never meet him, does she?
She left around 6 PM, I believe and it's been almost 5 hours.
No text, no calls, no nothing..
Independence
This boy was the boy that comforted my sister the day my uncle passed away.
This boy was also the boy who did NOT insist on meeting me or my family.
This boy doesn't like ethnic foods, but straightens his hair.
I should be homeworking, but I'm home alone. Even being with my sister is better than being alone. 
Adam ditched me and is home. Then again, I suppose anyone would want peace after being with me for 12 hours straight. I kind of hate that he always has to play baby sitter for his sister.
Their relationship is always going to be a good one.
I've always wanted an older brother.
Would anyone like to be *my* older brother?
*tear*