Captured

Confused.... depressed.... Here I am, scraping my head against a cheese grater, wondering why I'm still here. Why do I have dreams of success when I make mistakes that seemingly ruin my good standing? Wondering who I am and why I live this way.... Wondering when I will be considered "grown up" and when I'll finally get to make my own personal choices without having others crumple my self esteem. Forget it... It's not going to happen.

What exactly is the point of being who I am if I get stomped on for something I can't help? Late nights, bad grades, parties, being a social butterfly, pretty much define who I am in my parents eyes. They can't do much better, so why should I?

God damn it.....! Give me a fucking break. Life is not about choices..... It's about expectations and not losing your chance to smile. Screw it.... My failures are so continuous. I have to fight for understanding and to be understood. Why do I have to do that? Why? What exactly does it accomplish anyway? Why does everyone need a constant reminder of what kind of person I am?

Ugh, I can't wait to turn myself into a teacher. *insert sarcasm* I'll love helping people when I can barely help myself.

Now, I've been given a command to go to bed. I just want my independence..... Please give it to me and then let yourselves out of my way. I'll ensure you my deepest gratitude then I'll vanish so you can't ever do it again.