Vision Frustrations

You'd think I'd learn by now... All my life, I've scraped some part of me by tripping, knocking, or falling. This forcefully reminds me that I am definitely visually impaired. Please don't take offense to this. But, I am someone who doesn't let her vision grab her by the throat. I don't ignore my vision. I'm not saying all vision impaired people are like myself nor am I saying that anyone is weak. Everyone is different and I acknowledge that. I don't necessarily think I'm invincible either, because believe me, I have my anxieties and depressive episodes. Although there are many visually impaired people who are incredible, like all of you readers who are reading this now.

There is a reason for me saying what I said above. My parents never held me back from anything. I've been put into the most difficult of situations and had to manage given the circumstances. I give credit to my father for making me fearless in that aspect. I'm very fortunate for this excellent attribute. Today, however, made me realize that things would get harder. I'm scared in a sense, but am reluctant to let it control me.

I was visiting Chicago with Adam. It was my "late birthday" visit. We were having loads of fun. First stop was the Shedd Aquarium. We went to the dolphin show. I figured I'd enjoy it. It turned out to be very short and dull and a lot more visual than my monocular would allow. The man with his kids standing on his lap sitting in front of me wasn't helping matters. We walked below to see the dolphins but they were far away. Disappointed, we left and walked to Buckingham fountain, took pictures, and then headed to the two face towers that spit water. Here's what startled me. I was walking toward a path that looked like it was all level with no stairs. As soon as I hit the first crack, it ended up being a step and I crumbled forward and smacked my arm into the next step. Who put stairs there? I swear I saw an ordinary sidewalk. Of course, the people behind me couldn't resist their gawking. I got up and moved as fast as I could. My arm was aching, but my pride was even more. That, pulled me into a deeper reality. My vision is probably getting worse. What a sucky, embarrassing way to find out, other than falling on my face?

Another prime example. I am obsessed with Borders Bookstore. I went there with my father a couple nights ago. I was skimming the books. Just browsing, the usual me thing to do. I decided to look up at the top of the shelves to search for the one marked literature. The black and white tag took me forever to figure out. I couldn't read it when I was able to just the year before. I took me five minutes to recognize the word "religion" written on the top of that particular shelf I was standing in front of.

In truth, I am scared. Limitations already invade my life as it is. I appreciate what I have and utilize what I can to make it easier on myself. Then to be confused again because of an uncontrollable change, is like a slap in the face for all the years I made everything work. My recent eye exam revealed that my acuity went from 20/240 to 20/400 in my left eye. There really was no change in my right eye. I know there are many others like myself. I just think it's irritating.

All I can say right now is that I'm glad I am getting this dog guide. Perhaps I am not as strong as I used to be. I am not ready to adapt to this change that cam upon me so soon. I'm confused because my diagnosis is not one that should be deteriorating my sight.

Three weeks until GDF! More excited than ever...