Update on Spring Break

Saturday night:

My family friends ended up being really nice. Albeit I haven't seen them or spoken to them for 15 years, my parents seemed really close with the parents. For my sister and I and our friends, it was surreal. We didn't remember them much at all. We shared a nice Korean barbeque. While our parents still conversed, the girls, my sister, and I went to Coldstone Creamery. I had a birthday cake remix in a small waffle bowl. It was heaven..... It was free too. Everything tasted so good. We were driven to the girls' home. My mouth dropped at the vast hugeness and amazing furnishings. These girls are rich! Their house was three times the size of my own. We ventured down into their basement where we chilled in their home theater. We sat in automatic recliners made of leather as The Devil Wears Prada played on their projector and blasted through their surround sound. There was also a bathroom with a shower and all these little accessories in the basement. Surprisingly I had service down there! The movie was over and we spent some time talking with the parents. Pictures were taken to match the ones from when we were all kids. The parentals took pictures too. I didn't expect to actually have fun. I'm glad I went and remet these people. I am friends with their oldest daughter on Facebook. We returned home at midnight. I had to decline an invitation to Buffalo Wild Wings from Barb because the 1.5 hours of sleep I had the night before was finally lulling me to sleep.

Sunday

My parents had me to go church. That was at noon. I was kind of annoyed with the sermon and the message that came across to me made me realize that I don't attend church because I have so many contrasting views. I'm thinking about talking to Adam about going to church with him... Maybe I'll like it better.... I came home and cleaned my room for a bit and then hung out with the dogs outside. The weather was gorgeous.... Before I knew it, it was 6:30 PM and Emily was at my house to pick me up. We were headed to Barb's work and then Schaumburg to have some fun. I was freaking out as soon as I was in Emily's car because my relatives were supposed to come to my house. My parents ditched me to go to the gym. I was panicking until my father finally called me as my uncle pulled into the driveway. I was already on my way when they appeared at my house. Thank God... I hung out with my friends and had a great tiem in Schaumburg. We stopped by Josh's friend's house. Josh is Barb's boyfriend. Dan was pretty chill and was an interesting person to talk to. We got home at midnight. Sunday was a relaxing day. I would've enjoyed it more if my sister and I didn't fight everytime she's around me. I fell asleep with a migraine from my "fun", but overall I was satisfied...

Monday

I was up around 11 AM. I hung around my house. I called Adam and he didn't really seemed interested in hanging out that much. He was bombarded by family and I didn't want to interfere. I milled around my house until Barb invited me to bring The Forbidden Kingdom over to her house to watch with Josh. I said sure and we watched the movies and had the dogs play. Jim and Nikko are best friends. They were everywhere... We had fun with water glasses and making triads. There was a whole bunch of things about this day that I liked. I laughed a lot. There were plenty of moments where I couldn't stop grinning. Jim played a lot and didn't make a mess in their house. (Note: he's pooped in Barb's house twice... to mark....) He behaved himself and for that I am very thankful. Josh got to meet Jim. He likes Jim a lot. *grin* I got home a little past midnight. I'm so lucky to have such great friends. When I'm with Barb and Josh, I don't ever feel like the third wheel. That's how it should be with any couple.

That's my update... Who knows what tomorrow will bring..... My father has been lenient with me since break started. This is awesome... I hope that someday I can fully spread my wings and get the hell out of my house without anyone complaining or bitching me out. I hope this break opens their eyes and lets them know I want to make my own decisions....

Clustered

My room, my mind, my life.... There's a whole mess of untidiness. I can see my floor, a black rug on an ivory carpet. This, at the least, is a good thing, right? Too bad the floor of my mind isn't as easy to find... I am thinking about Adam and how we are so close, but so distant. What exactly is holding us together when we both are such vastly different people? I can still hold his hand and feel a deep affection. I'm really annoyed and turned off the fact that he never wants to do anything with me. That I am only second best. Am I the clingy one? Or does he just not care? I don't push or shove for my turn. I just block him out if he doesn't want to do anything. "Fine..." I tell myself. And.. I move on.... trying my hardest not to take it personally or rush back to him and demand that I get at least a little time. Maybe a girl is allowed a bit of neglect... How much can I handle? I'm usually brimming with a disappointment that I know can be avoided. It's a little too late... Why can't he surprise me by taking me first? A day just for me? At least once a week? twice? I can't take him away from his family, but is it wrong of me to think he's really my family? A person who can comfort me and not judge? That's who Adam is... I wish he would understand that I hate being here, judged, cornered, trapped... He knows and yet he still leaves. Maybe I'm just selfish and way to insecure.... 
It is a dark and rainy day outside. It feels incredibly late albeit it's only half past noon. I usually embrace these overcast, gloomy days, a break from the sun which burns the core of my eyes and arouses the irate part of me who hates the brightness. I feel like sitting in the rain and letting it wash my emotions into the ground. Of course, I would be reprimanded for such an act. "That's incredibly emo..." My friends would say. "You're going to ruin your clothes and dirty the house..." My mother would reply. I don't know when I'll have that sense to not listen and move on. It's impossible not to listen though. I can't just turn my brain off and tumble about.
My thoughts are also drifting to my friend Katie. Her words are making me wonder about myself and my abilities. Will I make it? How long will I last? Will I be happy? Why should I hide? Bah.... I can't handle these thoughts 24/7.... Someone please give me a break.... I'm gagging on my life.

Tuesday Thinkings

I wrote earlier and from that post, the weather has not improved.
I spent today mostly by myself. It was quiet. Adam came over and we chatted. I then went to my friend Emily's house to look at her electric guitar. She is planning on selling it to me for $100. The amp is included... Yay! The guitar is four years old and in mint condition. It's black with white and everything seems to be in working order. The only downside? There are stickers on the guitar.. I'll probably get them off using GooGone...
Not a bad day except for the emoness this morning. Hopefully tomorrow will be more eventful....
Ahh - the rain.... it is beautiful.....
It's cascading and every drop makes a sound.
Oh - did you know I found Youtube artists that I obsess over?
Meet Kina Grannis... She is amazing...