c_for_chaos | Entries tagged with writer's block

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There are so many subjects I'd like to be more knowledgeable about. For one thing, I'd really really like to learn how to read music and well. Learning by rote is great most of the time, but I feel at a disadvantage and that every note I play or sing might be wrong. Knowing how to read music would be like a security blanket. I do apprecaite the fact that I *can* learn by rote though. Another subject I wish I was more acclimated with would be philosophy. I am a deep person, but not enough to the point where my intelligence shows.

The first week of school has been a success.
I am enrolled in 11 credit hours. 3 academic classes, 1 private voice lesson, and 1 work out class.

I don't really like the prof for my intro to education class, but I'm excited about going to a school and doing 15 hours of observation. This will really prepare me for the future and it will be transferrable to NIU.

My second class is MAT 101. I am excited about this class because the prof has taught another blind student before and understands the accomodations and how to teach a blind student in the first place. I got my homework done on Tuesday. I haven't finished a math assignment since high school. I know, hard to believe. But I am just not the math type of person. I'm glad that this class will be different. She also collects and grades homework, which is a motivator for me.

I went to orientation for my work out class on Tuesday. I need 36 visits to pass the class. I have yet to go work out yet because it was only the first week of classes.

So that's it for Tuesday and Thursday.

On Wednesday, I had my first voice lesson. I really like the instructor. She is a lot of fun to work with. I found out that I have a midterm and a final for the course. I am fine with that considering I finally get to sing either way. It has been far too long since I've been involved with music. She did use the term "boobs" quite a bit in our lesson though. I think this will be an amusing class. I am her first lesson of the day.

In other news, I got a job! I have the front desk position in the student activities office. I guide students whereever they need to go and give information about the clubs and organizations on campus. I work 10 hours a week for 8.25. This will help me immensely. I start on Monday!

My work schedule looks like this:
Monday thru Wednesday 2-5 PM
Thursday 11 AM - 12 PM

I can't tell you how ecstatic I am to finally have my first job. My boss is also a fantastic individual. I am really excited to work for her.

Now I am waiting on word from another job on campus. If I get that job, I'll be working a total of 20 hours a week.

More good news? Social Security finally changed my living arrangements. I don't know about backpay yet, but this is a good start.

Barb finally lives in Dekalb. I helped her move in on Monday night. We've hung out a couple times.

Two more things: Jazz Fest in Chicago is over Labor day weekend. I can't wait to go.
Thing #2: Margaret Cho is coming to Chicago on October 16th! You bet your pants I'm going to see her!

Current Mood: energetic
Current Music: Idina Menzel - Here

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It is truth. Guide dogs around the world change the lives of so many people. Laurie Rubin is featured in this video. She is a GDF grad and sung a benefit concert for the Israel Guide Dog Center. Someday I want to give back as she has done.

I am inspired by this performance and touched by the intense bond between dogs and their handlers. I know that Jim and myself have come a long way, but we still have a bit of growing to do.

Current Mood: grateful
Current Music: Laurie Rubin - You Raise Me Up

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Gettin' some R & R is often not easy to come by. Too many thoughts overwhelm me to stay comfortable for long. However, I can't help but say that right now I have found my favorite place to relax. Hands down: my couch in my living room. Imagine a big open space with a comfortable loveseat and couch, a big screen TV, and entertainment heaven. My favorite channel is definitely well balanced between the Travel Channel and Animal Planet. I also occasionally indulge in some Cartoon Network On Demand and watch Tom & Jerry, my all time favorite cartoon. These luxuries have never really existed back home with my parents. The kitchen is 10 paces away. Who could ask for anything more? Also, whenever my computer gets fixed, I'll have portable wifi. For now, I'm content and overjoyed to be tethered to my desktop in my room.

Speaking of my cave, my room only lacks one thing: a desk. Ironically enough, I have a desk chair, but no desk. I need to figure out how to get one. The setup goes as follows:

tower is to the left
stereo speakers to the right
monitor and mouse sit atop the speakers
computer speakers sit atop the tower
keyboard lays either on the floor or in my lap depending on if it's in use

Solution: Get a desk and purchase a wireless keyboard and mouse.

Easier said than done, really. But till then, I'll sit on the floor. I don't mind. I'm just happy I have a working computer in the first place. Muchos thanks to my housemate.

When my haven is not my living room, I would probably find any indoor or outdoor concert hall relaxing. Being enveloped in music of any genre, perhaps not metal, but you get my drift, is a luxury and puts me at ease. Theatre performances are also a favorite passtime. I enjoy the stage as well as being in the house. When i was in high school, being a techie meant that I got to mimic the Phantom of the Opera and roam silently through the catwalks during a show. *grin*

Since I last updated yesterday, I haven't done much. I did get in touch with

lilsinger_95. It was so good to see her again. *smile* We talked for quite a while. A friend of mine who also uses a dog ran into us and we chatted for about 10 minutes. We departed and I visited a residence hall and made a tie dye shirt. From there I went home and watched Tom & Jerry.

There are a lot of events going on for Welcome Days at NIU. I'm just going right along and trying to meet new people. NIU's first home football game of the season is on September 11th. I plan on attending and cheering on the Huskies!

Wish me luck on finding a desk and hope all of you are well!

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Julia Nunes - Maybe I Will

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In my youth, a sense of close-knit family did not seem to exist. There were so many times when I wanted to be adopted, abandoned, or somewhere away from the people who were my "family". In these past couple of days, I've learned the true meaning of family that fits who I am and what I will choose to believe for the rest of my life. My family had taught me to self-loathe, to writhe in disgust at my failures, to never give myself a break, and to constantly compare myself to others. Not knowing who I was lured me onto a path that lead away from who I wanted to be. Culture clash isn't a part of everyone's life, but it was a huge part of mine. I was usually the kid that was so vastly different from all of the students in school. Being a minority within a minority within another minority, endless hours of searching and hitting walls, falling backward, and hating myself for something I couldn't help, was a daily occuarance.

These feelings and thoughts still exist within me. Although in the past year, I have made more triumphs than in the prior year. Whether my family was here for me or here to witness me struggle, they were present. This by no means is my angsty way of saying "I hate you." or "Why did you do this to me?", but I've come to realize that my family has shaped me to be a stronger individual because of the different ways they pushed me. Society has its ways of tossing an individual with different problems and situations especially if they are a minority. From day one, I had to fight stereotype, racism, and the unknown. My parents did not find out I was legally blind until I was 6 months old. From my first breath to six months of age, we fought stereotyping and racism together. Later, I grew and learned how to live as a legally blind individual. Regardless, as an infant, a teenager, an adult, or an individual who is nearing retirement and the supposed bliss that accompanies it, that gap will still be there and it will remain until the moment I stop breathing.

Phrases of affection were not common and a warm embrace were scarce. A cut on the knee was a learning experience and a taunt from a bully was a chance to fight back. Neither of my parents were able to fight battles for me due to their language barrier and my lack of knowledge of how I was supposed react. School systems got the better of us. IEP meetings were painful to endure and embarrassing. But regardless of what was said behind their backs as we left, the insults laced with sugar coated compliments, the smiles that really said, "It sucks to be you." my parents kept their heads high. My father is a proud individual. Therefore, his confidence has rubbed off on me. My own falters and my pessimistic views often times win over my confidence, but in the end, confidence wins the battle.

My mother has shown me perseverence. She faced racism, body typing, and gained a bolder perspective of living in the U.S. that has shaped her into the woman she is today. Through her hard work and kind spirit, she pushes forward to better her children instead of herself. Unlike my father, she encouraged me to be happy and apologized every time I was upset. Ultimately, this made me feel guilty. But today we are closer because she opened herself to me. We share so much now that I am older.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010, at 9:35 AM, my sister walked through the metal door of airport security and into her future. We had a few moments before she left and I lost myself into a sea of shared tears. The embrace was real, raw, and genuine. She did not shy away or feign disgust. It was our one shot to regain lost time. It's true, we fight and are nothing alike, but from yesterday onward, I was determined to bring us closer. She didn't stop me and thus, my first letter is already in the mail. I gave her a letter and a paper crane before she crossed the threshold into terminal 1 of O'Hare International. Watching my parents cry and through my own tears, I've finally come to peace with my sister. I am proud of the person who is representing the United States Air Force and our family. Even though it's been a little over 38 hours, I miss her and it makes me ache.

Family shapes you. Your heart belongs to them unless they manage to break it beyond repair. My family through hardship and triumph is the clockwork to my life. I owe them my effort in success and for them, I will try to become a person they will be proud of in the end.

Current Mood: thankful
Current Music: Michael Buble - Home

[Error: unknown template qotd]Fear is something that isn't as apparent to me now that I have Jim as a guide. If fear strikes, Jim is always there to give me reassurance. These days, traveling in the night time is more fun than traveling by day. Reason being that the sun is quite bothersome to my eyes. When I do travel, I am wary of any place that is more confined and dark. Although, having a very big black canine guardian allows any stranger with bad intentions to steer clear of me. Paranoia is my middle name. Even if it is day time, any sudden noise is a time for me to turn my head and look behind me. It gets rather tiresome after a while. Although, even if I try, the feeling cannot be shaken off. Am I going to live in this constant cloak of paranoia? There has to be some sort of relief.

Rose will pick me up around 2:30 to head to Dekalb. My parents are unaware of my leave. Like I said, there's a lot to be done while I am away. I really should start packing right now. I need to find the proper paperwork. I can accomplish all of this in a couple hours right? I called JS about Jim's weird behavior. Hopefully someone will call me back soon. I can't help but be anxious about the possibility of the problem being medical related. If it's back pain, it's treatable, but if it's hip displasia, I'm screwed out of a dog. From what JS said, LP crosses are sensitive and have sensitive backs. I'm just kind of flustered and nervous. It's a big deal and I wish I could make the pain go away or make him feel better.

My history books should really stay here, but I have a feeling that I could get help if I bring them with. NIU's library has a wonderful resource room. Perhaps I can stil weedle in using my old OneCard. I need to use the scanner and have it read the history books to me. I can't believe it's getting to this point. At least the quiz part of my homework is finished. Writing two to three paragraphs per response by five before midnight tonight shouldn't be too hard. I also have to get a move-on with geography and start studying for the math placement test I have scheduled for Tuesday. I just don't get a break, do I?

Did I mention that I talked with Adam on Sunday? I can start letting go. Even if I wanted to date him again, he said he's not ready for a relationship at this point in his life. To be honest, I'm grateful he told me this. I never said I wanted to let him go completely. But now that I know he feels the way he does, I can breathe again. I'm still going to hurt. A 4 month relationship before with Jarrod had me grieving for almost a year. I hope to move on with my serious relationship with Adam. We're still friends, but I'm wary of other possible relationships. Half of me wants to meet someone in Detroit, but I highly doubt this will happen. The cool thing is, he's going to come with me to my eye doctor appointment on July 10. I voiced my anxiety about what the examination will reveal. He reassured me that he'll come.

Crud, it's almost noon. I have a little over two hours until I get picked up. A lot has to be done before then, I'll post when I get the chance.

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Danny Smith - Defeated