c_for_chaos: (Icon Ugly Face)
I am comfortably nestled in my bathtub. I don't know why I do this sometimes, but it serves me well to have a laptop for my writings. 
I haven't done much since I last posted. I went to German and conquered my Taco Bell craving. It was fairly nice to lose the craving. Yet a part of it still lingers... I believe I am one of those people who have to be sick of one thing to get over the cravings. Adam tested me on German vocabulary. I practically aced my quiz on chapters one and two. Yay me! I had an hour long conversation with my friend Tina. She informed me that I could get a locker! *jumps with joy* The lockers at MCC are reserved for art students and students with disabilities. I wont have to break my back any longer. The joys of being at a community college. Then again at a university, I had a dorm room instead of a locker. I think many people take universities for granted. I was at NIU for 3 consecutive semesters. Believe it or not, I am more comfortable at MCC. Everything is a little different and condensed. But I find that the people are so much nicer. Many of my friends also attend classes. I see a lot of people from high school that I knew.

Here is another surprise: I am the only guide dog user on campus. There seem to be only 2 students, including myself, who have vision impairments. I've gotten several different reactions to a dog in the building, but most of them were pleasant comments and remarks. Everyone loves Jim. MCC's mascot is the Scottish terrier. I get comments that Jim should be the live mascot because he looks like he's part terrier. It's rather cute and if GDF agrees to let me, I'd be happy to oblige and wear my colors proud. I learned that MCC's school colors are blue, white, and a little burgandy. 

The only negative aspect of MCC is it's building structure. It has sectors that are named with letters. Building A is in the center and the oldest building on campus. It has an atrium which is like a foyer but with more glass windows. Buildings B, C, D, E, F surround building A. Thus, MCC is sort of a maze of squares. It's a little difficult to navigate around the buildings. If you take the wrong elevator, you may find yourself in the first floor of A instead of the 3rd floor of A. But, still, I like it in a sense, for it's challenge.   

MCC's music department is where I usually spend my time out of class. I am in a practice room playing the piano or the trumpet or singing. It's rather very similar to high school when I spent all my free time in the band room or the band hallway. I don't think I will ever escape my love of music and fine arts. Speaking of fine arts, Susan helped me locate the Black Box Theater. It is well blended with surrounding classrooms. But when one steps inside, the entire room is painted black and there are lights and other equipment that makes one realize that it's not an ordinary class room, but a performance space. Someday, I will perform in there. For now, I will settle for the conference center which is MCC's auditorium.

The piece Lux Aurumque was composed by Eric Whitacre and sung by ASC (the Atlanta Sacred Chorale). This performance is very well done..... I am impressed with how perfect it is. I want to embrace this music until I can no longer sing a note. The dissonance is incredible, but beautiful in an unavoidable way. Eric Whitacre will forever remain one of my top favorite composers and one of those people I would like to meet in my lifetime.
c_for_chaos: (Gasp)
It's Thursday. I have one class and I have to exercise with my father after my class.
My new schedule goes as follows: 

Monday
11 - 12 PM Choir
1 - 2:20 PM Music Appreciation
4 - 5:20 PM English
6 - 7 PM Taekwondo (With my father)

Tuesday
11 - 11:30 AM English Tutoring Session
2:30 - 3:30 PM German Tutoring Session
4 - 5:50 PM German

Wednesday (The Busy day)
11 - 12 PM Choir
1 - 2:20 PM Music Appreciation
3 - 4 PM Music Club
4 - 5:20 PM English
7 - 8:50 PM Jazz Ensemble
Leave MCC at 10 PM - Adam's class gets out at 9:50 PM.

Thursday
4 - 5:50 German

Fortunately, I am off on Fridays. I don't think I could handle long days. I'd rather have a three day weekend every weekend and work hard four days a week. Wednesday is really a killer. I came back yesterday around 10:15 PM. I was there from 9:45 AM to 10 PM. Believe it or not, I was actually in bed and asleep by 11. My backpack was heavier than a small child and I had to carry my trumpet too. But hey, yesterday was frickin' amazing.... I got to solo twice for this song by Miles Davis. It's entitled Freddie Freeloader. I attached a video at the bottom of this post. The recording is actually Miles Davis. Choir didn't happen but I was already at school for tutoring. I spent two hours doing other homework. Music appreciation taught me many new things. I am enjoying this teacher more than my last professor who was a complete dousche bag and failed me for something that was his fault and not mine. Furthermore, this prof is a better teacher anyway. English was uneventful. We spent time doing little things like looking up authors for our papers. My back is hurting.... *tear* Jazz band was incredible. My first solo wasn't that great, but my second solo was definitely better. I am excited about next week. I will be practicing my trumpet this weekend. *grin* My other mission is to find out if MCC has lockers. It would be so much easier for me.

Jazzin' Up

Jan. 15th, 2009 09:39 pm
c_for_chaos: (Happiness = Music)
I failed to write after last Tuesday's post. A lot has happened since then.
Classes have started and I've worked out almost all of the kinks.
I forgot to mention that I took tests last week for english and German proficiency and placement.
I received an 84 on the reading section and a perfect 8 on the writing section.
The proctor in the special needs department said that in her seven years of being at MCC, I was the first student who received a perfect on the writing. She was super impressed with me. The department was encouraging me to pursue honors english rather than stay in regular english. I don't know if I will do this or not. I took the German proficiency on Friday of last week.
I placed into German 2. But there were a couple mix-ups with that class. They had dropped it out of the system due to lack of students. The director of the special needs department pulled some strings and I got to do an independent study. Yay - individual attention. I am in a class with 6 other people. They are studying at a higher level than I. Overall, it's not bad.

Monday classes started at 11 AM. Kudos to Barb for getting us to class late. The choir director had us sing warm-ups. Jim didn't like the chromatic pitches and was whistle-whining. The class laughed as the director stated Jim was singing with us. The director dismissed the chicks and tested voice parts for the men. I hung out with Barb and Tracy and we went to offices and took care of business. I walked into Music appreciation. The professor was very interesting and alert. He caught my attention. Barb, Jim, and I left for Barb's house in search of food. Fortunately, she had some food. I got back to MCC and was almost late for my class. I walked around the third floor of the A building because I was confused as to how the numbers corresponded. I found the class and realized that it was right next to the elevator. So much for being on time.... After class, Adam drove me to TKD. It was amusing as always.

Tuesday, I experienced German and how they teach it in college. Adam and I arrived on campus and played some BINGO. I also ate lunch with some people I knew. You wouldn't believe how many people I know at community college.

Wednesday was my long day. I had choir at 11 AM, which we were late for again. I sang for my voice part. Jim watched cautiously from the sidelines while I was at the piano with Barb and two other girls. Barb and I were the two strongest in our little group. We went to the cafeteria and ate our food. I moseyed back to the music wing and listened to Mr. Hillstrom lecture. It was actually interesting and I learned things. Kudos to finally learning how to read music efficiently. After that class, Barb and I worked on music and our voices. I went into the freezing cold and brought my trumpet and Barb's books from the car. Jim hung out with Barb while I went outside. He got to be out of harness and lazed around. Barb and I were hungry and at the very last second before my english class started I had to spring to English holding and navigating a guide dog with my left hand and balancing a plate with a burger and onion rings with my right hand. The hallway was full and it was difficult not to run into people. Quite the amusing experience..... I had the burger finished and then my class started. I left my onion rings on the desk outside of the room. I did this because the room was filled with computers and I didn't want to accidentally destroy one by dropping a greasy onion ring somewhere. We were released early. Jim and I walked to the music wing again. Barb was in her theory class. She was taking a break so I talked with her and other people from her class. I watched some videos on Youtube as I waited for Barb's class to be finished. They finished around 6:55 PM. Barb came out and gave me my trumpet. I walked into the ensemble room and met new people. My friend from high school, Ryan was also in the band. The director for the Jazz band is super nice. We started out playing a piece entitled Sister Sadie and worked on it for an hour. They wanted me to solo, but I was too chicken. We moved on to play Samba de Orfeu. I played a little bit. It was so much fun! I was one of 4 new people in the ensemble. THere are only two trumpet players including myself. Bruce is a very nice guy. Kudos to him for refining his passion for jazz music. The rehearsal was over before I knew it. It was a blast! I am really looking forward to next week. I was given the book to take home with me to memorize the music.

Yesterday, THursday, I only had German. I hung out with Maggie and Katie for two hours. I also found out that financial aid came through for me. I will be getting a refund for all of my money I spent at MCC. I went to my German class. During my class, a guy named Chris offered to buy my book for me. He was very nice. I was flattered by his sincere effort to help me. I'll write more about my thoughts later. I came home and spent time listening to Miles Davis and doing other small things.

Overall, perhaps I am excited about being at a community college. There are more people I know there and atmosphere is comfortable. I am not afraid of trying new things. My plans include auditioning for the play on Tuesday and auditioning for a small voice ensemble. Perhaps I will savor these moments instead of whisking myself to finish at a faster pace.... I'm really considering enjoying myself rather than being miserable.

c_for_chaos: (You Suck)
NIU dismissed me..... I'm devastated, but I'm not.
I mean I'm not proud of the fact that I was dropped from a major university and I know this will set me back from my dreams.
But I think rather than continuously bashing my head into walls like I've done for so long.... I should sort my thoughts.
Agree or disagree? I have a plan. It will eventually get me where I want to go.
To be honest, that's all I'm asking for.
I just wish my parents understood what it's like for me.
I'm the first one in my immediate family to go to college.
My sister will avoid my fuck-ups and deal fine. Why me first? 
My parents don't trust me.... They have never trusted me even when I was in high school.
Overbearing attitudes isn't going to help me succeed. Why claim that you are helping me if you are doing exactly the opposite? 
Don't they understand that I want to be accepted rather than harshly beat upon?
Treating me like I don't have a disability is one thing. I like knowing that my parents wouldn't have treated me differently if I was fully sighted.
Consistently making me feel worthless is another.
I am so tired of "you're lazy" or "you're not going to make it".
I'm tired of the lack of pride that my parents see in me.
It all falls on my sister like I'm not even here.
It's cold.... I'm done with this post for now.
Yay for updates...
c_for_chaos: (Happiness = Music)
I don't remember the last time I managed to get to sleep at a decent hour. Last night I was up til.... 4 maybe? I think I have Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome.... or something along those lines. I don't fall asleep til late late or in this case, wee hours of the morn early. 
I know it's been a week since I last wrote in this journal. A lot has happened since Thanksgiving.
Adam and I almost broke up on our 3 year anniversary. But all was saved on account of my persistence. 
Yes, it has been 3 years and six days today. 
School has left me stranded. 
I received a B in Braille. It wasn't what I wanted, but I guess I will survive. 
Jim is snoring at my feet and I wish I was doing the same. 
I guess I haven't been writing because I was so ridiculously emo these past weeks following Thanksgiving. 
Wednesday determines if I stay at NIU. Perhaps Sharon will put in a good word for me. 
I am eligible for academic dismissal from NIU. 
I am deeply depressed about it. 
I feel that I was unfairly tried. Music prof was a complete jerk about this entire test thing.... 
Bah - time to listen to more Muse. 
I <3, Muse. 



c_for_chaos: (This is how I feel)
Yeah, you'd think I'd be sick of writing. Why can't research papers be like blogging? I'd have 10 pages down pat in like 3 hours. I'm in a hole, yes. But I think I can stay here if I work my ass off for the remaining week I am here. Maybe then I wont have to move all my shit out. I am so extremely nervous. Gag - I'm a horrible person. I'm all talk and no action. When am I going to fix that?

I bought a capo for my guitar. It's surprisingly easier than I thought it would be to use. It's fun to change the key to everything I play. *smile*

Today was dull due to my late rising at 2:15 PM. Stupid me... I could've accomplished a lot more. I was already late for class so I didn't go. I think the teacher pretty much hates my guts. I need to email him. Ah well... I had dinner with Sarah and Z, a girl I met through Sarah. We had an interesting conversation.

I am also thinking about a lot of other things. I need to get a grip before this semester is over.
c_for_chaos: (Gemini)
I can't stop listening to Coldplay. I haven't the slightest on why Coldplay seems so appropriate for rainy days. It's supposed to be rainy here for the rest of this week. Oh joy... I have so much to do yet. Tomorrow is a busier day. Yay for conferences and visits to the music building and health services... Kudos to me for trying...

Now I'm worried about my music grade.. I'll deal though. Pull through is what I'll do. Chin up, eh?
c_for_chaos: (This is how I feel)
It's been awhile.... a week perhaps?

Various things are on my mind.

Firstly, I'm behind yet again when it comes to schoolwork. Life can't always go my way I guess. I hate that I am smarter than myself sometimes and make excuses not to get back to the top. I think all my classes are OK except for english. I know I'm probably failing that class right now. I have a C in TLSE 240 because of a paper that I didn't turn in. I think I am pulling a B in Braille and a C in MUSC 220. It depends on how I did on the test and my concert report. Ugh - I should write a list of To-Do's here.

TLSE 240: - Reading quiz (Due Wednesday Oct. 29)
- Assignment 2 (was due Oct. 8)
ENGL 104: - Summary Essay (was due Sept. 20-something)
- Rhetorical analysis (was due Oct. 17)
- Topic Proposal (was due Oct. 17)
TLSE 470: - 2 Brailling assignments which are a piece of cake (due Wednesday Oct 29)
MUSC 220: - Listening (Tuesday) - Reading (Tuesday)

It's not impossible to get all of this done. If I work at it, I can get everything done by Wednesday or Thursday. I think I have to revise my strategies for living and organizing my life. I know I can do this.... I just don't want to fail out of school. Right now, that's what it's looking like.

I'm still looking at laptops for classes. I thought about it and still want a Macbook. Ugh - I hate it..

Secondly, there is a guitar that I really want. It's currently at Axe In Hand here near NIU. It's a great acoustic that is small and amazing. However, I already have a guitar. It was a gift from my parents on my 16th birthday. It is also too big. *sigh* I'm just struggling with decisions.

My hair is getting long. It's past my shoulders now. I kind of want to dye it a unique color. But I'm not sure how people will handle it.

There are other thoughts. So I think I may start a different entry for these other thoughts.

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