c_for_chaos: (Music)
My room has a faint scent of roses this morning. Adam had sent them yesterday when it was dreary and all seemed hopeless. What a sweetheart. It was ironic in a sense where I was actually excited to get the mail and found big, pink, luscious, roses in a clear vase rather than 2 bottles of dog ear cleaner. Funny how Jim's health is more important than mine. I do with the stupid ear cleaner would come though. I've been waiting since late September. Adam had emailed the company and the company is blaming it on US customs for holding the package. The ear stuff is from Canada.

I was awake at 8:30 AM surprisingly. Congratulate me on going to bed at 1 AM instead of seven hours later. I'm still waking up, but it's unbelievably refreshing to say "Good morning!" to another person on the floor rather than "What's up?" I'm sitting here listening to Dave Matthew's Band and Jim gnawing his sterilized bone. I didn't want him sleeping all day like he normally does so I stuck some peanut butter in it. Mwahahahaha! No rest for puppers!

I want a laptop. I used to have one, a Dell Inspiron (insert some number here), but it was a beast that weighed like a zillion pounds and then got a port problem while I was at GDF. I got it five years ago. It's not in functioning order anymore. I can type on it, but that's the extent of it. My mother is using it now for typing practice. I'm rather tired of being chained to my dorm room when Jim and I could be at any location with a wireless connection. Maybe then I could say that I'm not a hermit. Given, I could also have uTorrent on there and not get yelled at when at a friend's house and be downloading music and movies. So what are your thoughts on a new Macbook pro? Adam has a Macbook Pro that was released two summers ago. It's great and all, but I don't want to dwell on what's already out there. Might as well start fresh right? Money will always be an issue. Then again, my browsing has led me to find that the price, if paid in installments, is $38 a month. I'm more attracted to Apple's built in screen magnifier. Zoomtext enjoys freezing up on me and I can't always use it on my desktop. DRS provided this Dell computer for me when I first came to NIU. I love it and can't believe they have such abilities to provide computers. However, I can't leave my room unless I need to print. They gave me a printer too. Ink and paper costs come out of my pocket. Ink is ridiculously priced anywhere. Why go buy ink when printing is free in any computer lab? Anyway, the new Macbook pro is winning the battle inside my mind's eye. My old laptop had a 17" screen, but then again, we got it ginormous because of Zoomtext and make it easier for me to see what's on the screen. Zoomtext will not have to exist when I'm using a Mac. No freezing up because it's a built-in program. So, I could buy a 13"-er. Yay for saving space and light objects! Yeah - this paragraph is long, but I'm trying to sort out all my thoughts here. I also need this laptop because I'm getting really tired of printing out PowerPoints for classes. I could just have them on my computer and make notes along the sides of the slides. That would save paper and my peace of mind, wouldn't it? *sigh* I don't know.

You know what's depressing, but a part of life? Slowly losing touch with friends. I can't help but be depressed about this one relationship I am in. It seems like every time I talk to this person they have nothing intelligent to say to me or nothing to talk about with me. I've helped this person so much and comforted them when times were rough. I guess I get no thanks for that or even one decent conversation once in a while. She goes to a different school and is 3 hours away. However, is it right of her to turn her back on me? What good is an exchange of a couple words and phrases? What happened to conversations that took us by surprise and developed into a debate? Where am I going with this friendship? I guess I see it differently than her. I don't want to be a fall-back friend. It's either me or nothing. College ruins the best of things I guess. It's a huge turn off. I really miss my friend, the person I can laugh with and then three minutes later, talk about the deepest things wedged inside my heart. It hurts so much to only get a hello that is so empty and fades into nothing. Se la vie....

Is it bad that I've been drinking a lot of soda lately? I can't seem to get it out of my system. I'm always hungry and thirsty. I ran out of water yesterday. There is so much I need to buy before Adam gets here. It's his birthday on Sunday. What to do... Hmm... What to do... I want to be a good girl and get him a cake and presents. We're wavering, but straightening everything that defines us as us. I'm willing to step it up if he is.

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c_for_chaos

October 2011

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