Confirmed

Jan. 24th, 2009 10:19 am
c_for_chaos: (Gemini)
He died of a massive heart attack at 5:27PM last night.
He was fighting cancer and had just finished his chemo for the day.
My aunt was out getting protein milk/shakes.
He was found face down with his glasses broken and blood stained the floor and the curtains.
I feel like I'm sinking...
The wake is tomorrow morning.
There will be no funeral because he will be cremated.
I am searching for black clothes, but luckily, that's usually all I wear anyway.
But, I wanted to wear something else...
Something that says, Hey Uncle, I'm still here for you. I'll get through my life without letting you down..."
My parents disagreed and said that it would be disrespectful.
So standard black will be the attire.
I don't know how tomorrow will be.
I don't know how I will react....
I don't know anything....
All I do know is that I miss him a lot....
I should've called.... I should've done so much more than just be there.
I wish I could've saved him....

Denial

Jan. 23rd, 2009 07:24 pm
c_for_chaos: (This is how I feel)
I am beyond grief. I found out that my uncle passed away from cancer this evening... 
He was my best friend, a listener, a guardian, a comedian....
Someone that I trusted and someone who never judged me, but loved me for who I was.
He was incredible. Not only for his confidence in me, but for his acceptance and love.
I cannot believe he is actually gone.
My dear uncle Bob, someone I sometimes took for granted... someone who I sometimes didn't understand... someone that I knew or thought I knew would always be there.  He was at my high school graduation... and on that proud day, he watched as I got my diploma.
In June, he left my birthday/graduation party and gave me a hug. Did you know that hugs should really be cherished?
I thought this man was invincible. Every memorable event, he was always there.
So many memories.... I guess giving him an uptrillion amount of hugs on Christmas, the last time I saw him.
My parents did not allow me to go with them to see my uncle.
He died in his home at 5:50 PM or around that time.
Apparently, he's still there, but it may not be so at this time.
I am devastated to know this and not have been there or at least seen him again..
Because of this, I am still in denial.
Maybe, just maybe, he's still here? Please.......? Just once? Let him be there....
I miss him.... I miss him so much....

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c_for_chaos

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