Feb. 5th, 2010

c_for_chaos: (Happiness = Music)
My family arrived from Korea this past Wednesday. I came home from D.C. late last night. My aunt surprisingly enough did not tell me I was fat. I was again taken aback by the acceptance that suddenly seemed so overwhelming. I walked through the door, she was bubbling with excitement that she almost did not wait for me to remove my shoes. An embrace was shared and warmth was abundant. She exclaimed, "Oh, she's beautiful; a true lady." It brought a tear to my eye which I quickly brushed away. I've always loved my mother's side of the family. My father's side is raw. It was a pleasant change to be greeted with a compliment instead of a direct statement about my weight.

I've come to realize that there are just some things about myself that I can never change. I will forever and always be surprised by someone else telling me I am beautiful. Accepting myself has always been a challenge. Accepting others because of my insecurities has also been a rock in my shoe. Tomorrow will be a new day and maybe ever so slowly I will become a better person than I am today. This isn't just a hope, it needs to be a reality, a way of life that has to be there for the remainder from today to the day I die.

Why do revelations always bring me to compose these entries? It's almost amusing.

My participation in the Washington Seminar has also allowed me to learn about others and about myself. Not many people can say that they have the guts to do what I've done in the past couple days.

Time is running out. Today I will visit MCC and accomplish what I couldn't yesterday.

Let's live, not trudge. Today will be tomorrow. No regrets. 

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