c_for_chaos: (Default)
I loved using LJ, but now that I have DW, I shouldn't need my LJ account any more. I have so many blogs. Sheesh. I just need to find what I want and stick with it. Every website comes with its set of problems. Let's hope I can stick with it this time.
c_for_chaos: (Singing Hamster)

Aaaaaandddd.... bliss..... I love both of these artists **SO** much... Good music always moves me.
c_for_chaos: (Gemini)
Forever will this day bring me sadness.
Maybe I should get over it, but I know that day when all is forgotten will never come.
I stand in memory of the five students who lost their lives three years ago.
It could've been me.
Today, at 3 PM, I will be at the ceremony, sharing my tears and holding my friends.
We stand united, but at a terrible price.
Today and everyday, I will be thankful for my life.


c_for_chaos: (Gasp)
Hello LJ! 
I just wanted to pop on here and share that I just became a radio host for my own internet radio show. It's through Blogtalkradio.com. Gotta start somewhere right? There are so many things that I would love to share and it would be just another way to network and slowly gain better footing on self expression and speaking to an audience. These are skills that I need to know for the future. 
I am so excited. Feel free to call in. I'll post the number here after I do my first show. Also, if you have any suggestions as to which topics I should cover, please let me know. 

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/jdog-n-asian

The first show has been scheduled for this Sunday, October 3rd at 10 PM CST. 


c_for_chaos: (Gemini)
I've been keeping  busy, don't worry. 
Although the weeks never seem to get shorter. 
This coming weekend will be the first mentoring meeting. I will be spending Saturday night with [livejournal.com profile] lilsinger_95 who has so graciously allowed me to stay at her place. 
In other news, I managed to kill both of my fish in the span of 3 days. 
March 4, 2009 - September 26, 2010 : RIP Whitacre 
The span of a well loved fish named Whitacre. He lived the longest life of any betta I've ever owned. 
February 18, 2010 - September 23, 2010 RIP Oedipus 
The first fish to ever live with me outside of my parents home. The fiery spirit of Oedipus will always be remembered. 
I am writing this on a Macbook Pro! I have it for 5 weeks. Thank you IL Assistive Tech Loan Program! 
That is all at this point that I have to report. 
c_for_chaos: (Gemini)
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There are so many subjects I'd like to be more knowledgeable about. For one thing, I'd really really like to learn how to read music and well. Learning by rote is great most of the time, but I feel at a disadvantage and that every note I play or sing might be wrong. Knowing how to read music would be like a security blanket. I do apprecaite the fact that I *can* learn by rote though. Another subject I wish I was more acclimated with would be philosophy. I am a deep person, but not enough to the point where my intelligence shows.

The first week of school has been a success.
I am enrolled in 11 credit hours. 3 academic classes, 1 private voice lesson, and 1 work out class.

I don't really like the prof for my intro to education class, but I'm excited about going to a school and doing 15 hours of observation. This will really prepare me for the future and it will be transferrable to NIU.

My second class is MAT 101. I am excited about this class because the prof has taught another blind student before and understands the accomodations and how to teach a blind student in the first place. I got my homework done on Tuesday. I haven't finished a math assignment since high school. I know, hard to believe. But I am just not the math type of person. I'm glad that this class will be different. She also collects and grades homework, which is a motivator for me.

I went to orientation for my work out class on Tuesday. I need 36 visits to pass the class. I have yet to go work out yet because it was only the first week of classes.

So that's it for Tuesday and Thursday.

On Wednesday, I had my first voice lesson. I really like the instructor. She is a lot of fun to work with. I found out that I have a midterm and a final for the course. I am fine with that considering I finally get to sing either way. It has been far too long since I've been involved with music. She did use the term "boobs" quite a bit in our lesson though. I think this will be an amusing class. I am her first lesson of the day.

In other news, I got a job! I have the front desk position in the student activities office. I guide students whereever they need to go and give information about the clubs and organizations on campus. I work 10 hours a week for 8.25. This will help me immensely. I start on Monday!

My work schedule looks like this:
Monday thru Wednesday 2-5 PM
Thursday 11 AM - 12 PM

I can't tell you how ecstatic I am to finally have my first job. My boss is also a fantastic individual. I am really excited to work for her.

Now I am waiting on word from another job on campus. If I get that job, I'll be working a total of 20 hours a week.

More good news? Social Security finally changed my living arrangements. I don't know about backpay yet, but this is a good start.

Barb finally lives in Dekalb. I helped her move in on Monday night. We've hung out a couple times.

Two more things: Jazz Fest in Chicago is over Labor day weekend. I can't wait to go.
Thing #2: Margaret Cho is coming to Chicago on October 16th! You bet your pants I'm going to see her!
c_for_chaos: (Happiness = Music)
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Teehee! If only money weren't an object... But this post looks like a lot of fun.
Here's my list:
  • Macbook Pro 15" (it's durable and accessible)
  • iMac
  • Braillenote Apex
  • Senseview Duo
  • iPod touch 64 GB
  • Canon DSLR camera
  • iHome
  • HTC Touch Pro 2
  • Sony LED TV with surround sound
  • Noise canceling headphones
  • a nicer camcorder
I really don't have to continue. *grin* The way to get to my heart is through technology. The list can go on for ages. Hands down, Techie love. Everyone uses technology now days, it's not just me who's obsessed.
c_for_chaos: (POTO)
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It is truth. Guide dogs around the world change the lives of so many people. Laurie Rubin is featured in this video. She is a GDF grad and sung a benefit concert for the Israel Guide Dog Center. Someday I want to give back as she has done.

I am inspired by this performance and touched by the intense bond between dogs and their handlers. I know that Jim and myself have come a long way, but we still have a bit of growing to do.

Together

Aug. 21st, 2010 08:22 pm
c_for_chaos: (Singing Hamster)
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The one being that can usually cheer me up in any situation is Jim. He has been with me during the worst parts of my life. I am so thankful to have him. He has been my friend and my confidence in the two years that we have been a team.

Below is a video that also helps me recognize why I love Jim so much. I am so grateful to Lori Dietrich, the first person speaking in this video. She is Jim's puppy walker. Her love and support has also helped me move forward.


Puppies! Yay! I just feel like I haven't done a post about Jim lately. This one's short, but I'll write soon.
c_for_chaos: (Happiness = Music)
I keep forgetting things that I need for the new place and for the upcoming year.
So I'm going to write one down.
  • metal hook rack (Walmart) 
  • plastic door hanger
  • desk
  • bed sheets (a matching set would be nice) 
  • new pillow
  • comforter
  • RAM for laptop
  • faster RAM for desktop
  • bulletin board
  • laminated calendar
  • webcam for the desktop (to converse on skype with my sister)
The list is probably going to grow, but for right now, these seem to be the crucial things.
Oh, and Jim needs a haircut. *sigh* Hope I get this job.
c_for_chaos: (Gasp)
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Gettin' some R & R is often not easy to come by. Too many thoughts overwhelm me to stay comfortable for long. However, I can't help but say that right now I have found my favorite place to relax. Hands down: my couch in my living room. Imagine a big open space with a comfortable loveseat and couch, a big screen TV, and entertainment heaven. My favorite channel is definitely well balanced between the Travel Channel and Animal Planet. I also occasionally indulge in some Cartoon Network On Demand and watch Tom & Jerry, my all time favorite cartoon. These luxuries have never really existed back home with my parents. The kitchen is 10 paces away. Who could ask for anything more? Also, whenever my computer gets fixed, I'll have portable wifi. For now, I'm content and overjoyed to be tethered to my desktop in my room.

Speaking of my cave, my room only lacks one thing: a desk. Ironically enough, I have a desk chair, but no desk. I need to figure out how to get one. The setup goes as follows: 
  • tower is to the left
  • stereo speakers to the right
  • monitor and mouse sit atop the speakers
  • computer speakers sit atop the tower
  • keyboard lays either on the floor or in my lap depending on if it's in use
Solution: Get a desk and purchase a wireless keyboard and mouse.

Easier said than done, really. But till then, I'll sit on the floor. I don't mind. I'm just happy I have a working computer in the first place. Muchos thanks to my housemate.

When my haven is not my living room, I would probably find any indoor or outdoor concert hall relaxing. Being enveloped in music of any genre, perhaps not metal, but you get my drift, is a luxury and puts me at ease. Theatre performances are also a favorite passtime. I enjoy the stage as well as being in the house. When i was in high school, being a techie meant that I got to mimic the Phantom of the Opera and roam silently through the catwalks during a show. *grin*

Since I last updated yesterday, I haven't done much. I did get in touch with [livejournal.com profile] lilsinger_95. It was so good to see her again. *smile* We talked for quite a while. A friend of mine who also uses a dog ran into us and we chatted for about 10 minutes. We departed and I visited a residence hall and made a tie dye shirt. From there I went home and watched Tom & Jerry.

There are a lot of events going on for Welcome Days at NIU. I'm just going right along and trying to meet new people. NIU's first home football game of the season is on September 11th. I plan on attending and cheering on the Huskies!

Wish me luck on finding a desk and hope all of you are well!
c_for_chaos: (Gemini)
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There are so many jobs that I would love to have. When I was in 1st grade, I wanted to be a veterinarian. That dream job switched to wishing I was a marine biologist. Notice there is an animal theme. High school approached and I changed my mind and wanted to become a comedian and public speaker. A big part of me still wants to have this job as my career for the rest of my life. At some point, I wanted to be in the U.S. Air Force. I've always wanted to inspire people. Not in the way of pity, but in a way to where they'd want to go for their own dreams.

Today, my dream would be to become a disability advocate living an active lifestyle and traveling the world. I know that I want to reside in Boston or New York City. I'd love to swim with dolphins, eat foods that make my head explode, and explore the cities that not only surround me, but exhibit the unique cultures the world has to offer. Someday I want to be famous or be on TV just once. I've wondered about hosting a talk show like Ellen DeGeneres or doing some extreme sport. Sky diving or base jumping or perhaps zip lining. I'd like to brush up on my martial arts and learn judo. Huh, this post has been about dreams. As you can see from this post, I am a person who has a lot of hopes and dreams. I want to experience so much. Perhaps this is called passion or maybe it's just a severe interest in a lifestyle that may or may not be in my future.

I am only human.

I guess I should update you on how everything is going.

Jim went to the vet recently. He has a clean bill of health. He weighs in at 82.4 pounds. All we need to do now is work on dog distractions. There are not that many dogs on campus. I'm sure he will do fine though. He was great at the vet. I just had to keep a sound mind and stay calm.

Financially, I am struggling. I am negative in my checking account. Social Security still has not changed my living arrangements. Thus, instead of a the full benefits at $674, I've been receiving $449 even after moving out in January. Because of my move, life will be a lot easier. I called them today and the lady helping me told me that there wouldn't be a change in my checks until October. To be honest, i"m fine with that. I just need to get backpay.

This is my second residence in Dekalb. I've been on my own officially for 8 months and some odd days. I have 2 amazing housemates. I appreciate them so much. We have such a chill, comfortable atmosphere. Rent is more affordable. I don't have to pay $420 anymore. So September, when you get here, I am going to heave a sigh of relief at last. I do have bills to figure out.

School starts on Monday. People are moving in today. I can't wait to see some of my friends. Campus will be alive with activity. Although I must admit, quiet Dekalb is a lot nicer than I thought. Often times, it got really boring and time seemed to crawl. With today comes students, noise, and the promise of a good semester. Indeed, I will be attending Kish, but my mind is here on NIU's campus. It's time to knuckle down and focus.

Class schedule? Here it is!

Monday:
No Class
Tuesday:
9:30 - 10:45 AM Introduction to Education (EDU 201)
6 - 7:15 PM Topics in Mathmatics (MAT 101)
Wednesday:
No class
Thursday:
9:30 - 10:45 AM Introduction to Education (EDU 201)
1:30 - 2:20 PM Class Instructed Piano
3:30 - 4:20 PM Class Instructed Voice
6 - 7:15 PM Topics in Mathmatics (MAT 101)
Friday:
No Class
**(PE140- Physical fitness work out class - anytime during week)
5 Classes = 9 credit hours

In all honesty, I don't even need some of the classes above, but I want to enter NIU with an amazing GPA. You can't do that with only 1 class.

Extracurricular activities?

I am going to be involved in Equality Club and am looking into Taekwondo club. There are other clubs I'd like to join. I need to look into that more.

Also, I find out tomorrow if I have a job on campus. It will be a front desk position in the student activities office. Exciting? Yes! It's my first job. Kind of late for a 21 year old, but hell, it's something. Better late than never.

Yeah, there ya go. Long ass update. I think I'll do bwriter's blocks every day so I write at least once a day.

How is everyone?

OK, I'm off to visit some friends, mail a letter, and attend Huskie Bash.

Gotta have fun some time, right? No more white hairs please! I need to destress!

And now: "Make Me" By Kina Grannis
c_for_chaos: (Singing Hamster)
Yes, I have a lot to catch y'all up on. I'll be back after my class to post about these past couple of weeks. I'm a terrible LJ person. Rollercoastering up and down since July 19th.
c_for_chaos: (Gemini)
I have a quiz today at noon. I need to study for it and ace it. I have to ace everything from here on out if I want to pass statistics. The course is not very hard. It's just difficult to stay focused in a subject matter that doesn't really interest me. I'm working at it though.

I voyage back to my parents house today. There's a lot going on this weekend.
  • party at beach - Sunday afternoon
  • party at friend's house - Sunday night
  • bar escapades - Friday & Saturday night
  • trek to public library - as soon as I get home
  • gallivant to chinese restaurant - whenever Bradford wants to go
  • trips to Borders and Sears - whenever Barb wants to go
  • another trek to Social Security - Friday morning
  • NFBI picnic at Lincoln Park Zoo - Saturday afternoon
  • Possible trip to dog beach, Chicago - after picnic
I'm also getting a new phone. It is only accessible in terms of text messages and the ability to make the font larger. I'm looking into other phones that fit the changed plan that my family has.

Lastly, I updated my background for LJ! *grin* These music notes are swirly and artistic, but with a hint of chaos.

Hope everyone has a good Thursday.

Meme?

Jul. 14th, 2010 09:18 am
c_for_chaos: (This is how I feel)
Three names I go by:
1. Sarah
2. Saa
3. Asian

Three jobs:
1. null
2. nada
3. zip

Three places I've lived
1. in an apartment
2. in a condo
3. in a house

THREE TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH
1. Glee
2. True Beauty
3. The Ellen Show

THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN
1. S. Korea
2. New York City
3. Boston

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. Seattle
2. Germany
3. Colorado Springs to visit my sister

THREE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS
1. green tea ice cream
2. lasagna
3. sushi

THREE OF MY FAVORITE DRINKS
1. tea
2. Jack Daniel's Watermelon Spike
3. rootbeer floats

THREE THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO
1. graduating from kish
2. moving in with [livejournal.com profile] unsilenceddream 
3. sleeping in on Friday

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Vitamin C chews

2. Where was your profile picture taken?
It's a picture of Jim and it was taken in a book/souvenir shop in Harvard Square, MA.

3.Can you play Guitar Hero?
Nope

4. Name someone who made you laugh today?
Jim

5. How late did you stay up last night and why?
I actually went to bed at around 2. But it felt like I didn't really sleep.

6. If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Boston, New York, or Minneapolis

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
yes

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
currently, Barb, Marrissa, and Bradford

9. Do you believe exes can be friends?
yes, but it depends

10. How do you feel about Dr.Pepper?
It's scarce in my life.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
Uh....... Don't know.

12. Who took your profile picture?
I did.

13. Who was the last person of whom you took a picture?
Jim

14. Was yesterday better than today?
Today hasn't really happened yet.. so Yesterday.

15. Can you live a day without TV?
Yes.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
relationships are always worth it. It doesn't matter how long as long as you learn from it.

18. Are you a bad influence?
usually not. it depends on who's around me at what time.

19. Night out or night in?
both

20. What items could you not go without during the day?
Cell phone, keys, wallet

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
my grandma

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
erm... irrelevent question when it comes to LJ

23. How do you feel about your life right now?
annoyed with roommate, financially unstable, worried about future.... Grah... anxieties anxieties

24. Do you hate anyone?
Hate is only reserved for one person in my life. I don't hate people, I dislike them.

25. If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?
messages from different groups

26. If you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
yep

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
perfectionist yes, perfect no

28. What song is stuck in your head?
the kisses of the sun

29. Someone knocks on your door at 2:00am, who do you want it to be?
Any of my friends are welcome to do this, I'm usually up.

30. Wanna have grand kids by the time you're 50?
No kids. Period.

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
take a quiz

32. What do you think of your significant other's family?
single

33. Do you think too much or too little?
too much

34. Do you smile a lot?
eh

35. Who do you miss?
my sister

36. Have you ever been so tired that your eyes burned?
more often than not

37. Do you have an online game that you play often?
TETRIS!!!

38.Are you sitting in a spinny chair at the moment?
YES

39. Look to your left, what do you see?
computer

40.How's the weather where you are?
gonna be hot out today.

What is currently sore in your body at the moment?
arms

Name one person you've never had a fight with?
Ashley Jenkins

What was the name of the last pet of yours that died?
Gus Gus

Any movies out that you'd like to go see?
Plenty... Just out of money

What color is the couch closest to you?
I'm in the computer lab

What is an old TV show that's not on anymore that you wish was?
Croc Hunter. :( 

Are you looking forward to anything this week?
going back to parent's place and hanging out with friends

Do you wear glasses?
no

Do have another internet window open? If so, what site are you on?
gmail

What's the longest you've gone without talking to someone when you were mad?
I think Bradford and I went for like 3 weeks.

How many lights are on in the room you're in?
There are lines of lights in here...

What's the last thing you ate?
vitamin C chews... I really should eat something substantial

Do you wish you could sprout another arm to make life easier?
no

Do you know how to drive?
say huh? nope... if I drove, half the p

Which are you better at, Math or English?
english

What's your favorite channel on the TV?
NBC

How long does it take you to normally take a shower?
10 minutes

Is your bedroom clean? If it's not, when do you plan on cleaning it?
It's not clean, but I'm moving so... it'll be clean when my stuff's all gone.

What kind of accent would you say you like the best?
any european accent

Ever been on a picnic?
yes, but it's been so long

What color is your cell phone?
gray and lime green

What Color Is Your Tooth brush?
blue

Name One Person That Made You Smile Today?
jim

What Were You Doing At 8 Am This Morning?
at kish, in a computer lab

What Were You Doing 45 Minutes Ago?
in a computer lab at kish

What Is Your Favorite Candy?
twix

What' s the last thing you said out loud?
down (to jim)

What Is The Best Ice Cream Flavor?
green tea!

What Was The Last Thing You Had To Drink ?
Water

What Is The Longest You Have Gone Without Sleeping?
1 week (never again)

Have You Ever Made A Promise You'd Die To Keep?
no

Have You Bought Any New Clothing Items This Week?
no

The Last Sporting Event You Watched?
basketball

What Is Your Favorite Flavor Of Popcorn?
buttery

Who Is The Last Person You Sent A Message On Facebook?
barb

Ever Go Camping?
yes

Do You Take Vitamins Daily ?
yes

Do You Go To Church Every Sunday?
no

Do You Drink Your Soda With A Straw?
no

What Are You Doing Tomorrow?
going to class, taking a quiz, and going to my parents house

Where Is Your Dad?
working

What Color Is Your Watch?
black and silver

What Do You Think Of When You Hear Australia?
my friend Dawson Ko and the Croc Hunter

What did you do yesterday?
class, equality club, gdf conference call

Do You Go In At A Fast Food Place Or Just Hit The Drive Thru?
Both

What Is Your Favorite Number?
numbers aren't my thing.

Who's The Last Person You Talked To On The Phone?
Marrissa

Any plans today?
class, errands, chores

Biggest Annoyance In Your Life Right Now?
roommate troubles with finances

Last Song Listened To?
Lady Gaga - Bad Romance

Can you say the alphabet backwards?
Yes

Do You Have A Maid Service Clean Your House ?
no

Favorite Pair Of Shoes You Wear All The Time?
nikes, but it's summer, so sandals

Are You Jealous Of Anyone?
no

Is Anyone Jealous Of You?
no

Do you love anyone?
Yes

What Do You Usually Do During The Day?
i'm stuck at kish

Do You Hate Anyone That You Know Right Now?
yes, but only this one person.. i don't hate people, just this one person.

Do You Use The Word 'hello' Daily ?
hey

Do You Like Cats?
yes

Have You Ever Been To Six Flags ?
Yes

How Did You Get Your Worst Scars ?
jumping into a pool backwards

Last Cd Played?
rufus wainwright -want one

Have You Ever Slept Until 1pm?
Yup

List Four People You Tell Pretty Much Anything
bradford d, barb l

List Three Favorite Colors/ shades.
lime green, black, dark red

Laughed Until You Cried?
yes

Gay Marriage?
SHOULD BE LEGALIZED IN ALL 50 STATES!!!!!!

Lowering The Drinking Age?
idiotic

Who Are The Best Huggers That You Know?
Ashley Geron

Do You Believe In Love At First Sight ?
no

Is There Something You Want To Tell Someone?
there's a lot of things I want to tell my roommate.

Would You Kiss Anyone On Your Top Friends?
yes lol

How Many Kids Do You Want To Have?
ZERO, unless they're furry

Do You Want To Change Your Name?
nope

Last Time You Saw Your Father?
a week ago

What Time Did You Wake Up Today ?
7:05 AM

How Old Are You?
21

What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night ?
talking on the phone

What Is Your Favorite Thing In Your Room?
uh.... no idea

Who Did You Last Hug?
my roommate
c_for_chaos: (Default)
J - jolly
I  - incredible
M - motivated

Jim turned 4 on Tuesday. I bought him a Wubba as a birthday present.
We also celebrate our 2 year anniversary today.
I love this dog with all my heart.

And now, a letter:

Dear Jim Dog,
You are so fuzzy. But your fuzziness sometimes get you into trouble.
We've been a team now for exactly 2 years.
You also recently celebrated your birthday.
You're 4 years old. Please act your age.
Furthermore, I've been super impressed with you lately.
So I suppose you can mess around today because we are gonna play a lot due to the awesome weather.
Mwah!
Love,
Asian Who Feeds You Premium Food But Eats Badly Herself
c_for_chaos: (Default)
Today's events:
  • Read 22 chapters of "Odd Hours"
  • Slept for half an hour
  • Fell into the shower, came out clean. *claps* Considering I didn't sleep, this was a miracle.
  • Arrived at Kish at 7:50
  • Hung out with friend, studied for quiz.
  • Class from 11 AM through 11:45 PM
  • Quiz at 12:05 PM - think I did OK, but grades wont show up till later today. I know I'll lose points for something.
  • Got home at 1:20 PM
  • Chilled till 1:50 PM
  • Caught huskie bus route 7. Got off at stop nearest to post office
  • Post office epically screwed me over. New cane is waltzing around somewhere. Will be delivered Tuesday **IF** I'm home. *grimace*
  • Walked back to campus. Got lost along the way. Blew T intersection as well as almost getting hit by train. Good thing I hit the bar face first. Did not have dog because I was unfamiliar with route.
  • Construction disoriented me which lead me again toward the train tracks. Reached intersection. Crossed halfway **and** I was following traffic when some idiot almost hit me and sped off yelling "Watch where you're going!". Someone from behind yelled out, "Be Careful!" and "They were on their cell phone."
  • Finally reached campus. Been here for 40 minutes.
  • Tonight brings possible conversation about rent with roommate... *groan*
Can today be over now?
c_for_chaos: (Happiness = Music)
news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100630/ap_on_re_us/us_oil_spill_saving_sea_turtles

This is a rather interesting article I found on Yahoo News. Turtles are important and I love them, but look at all of the animals that have already perished. Also, notice the people who were ruined and those who have died.I really wish i could go out there and help with the oil spill.

There really isn't much going on here. My portfolio is due in aproximately one week and one day. I need to go speak to someone about questions I have pertaining to my portfolio. There are 6 items that must be complete and turned in. I'm nervous, not gonna lie. More than likely, some kind of bullshit is going to happen and the fall will be hellish.

Statistics is going OK. My first exam wasn't the best, but I am seeking additional help from my professor. My goal has not changed. I plan on getting a C or better in the course. Once I have the money next week, I need to order my transcript for August and have it ready so I can send it to NIU. I actually enjoy my professor. He's funny and takes the time to make sure that his students understand the material. He also is genuinely human. The majority of the math professors I encounter have ridiculous teaching methods. This professor makes it known that he gets distracted too and that this is the reason why we need to stay focused. I like people who can admit that they share the same problems. This is especially empowering to a student.

My ankle is still angry with me. i don't have money for a brace and walking is rather difficult. However, I need to get things done. Sitting and wasting my day away is not how I want to run my summer. My ankle is not going to stop me from doing what I need to get done.

I've also decided I'm not allowing myself to ignore LJ while I'm busy during the summer. The last time I wrote before yesterday was April. I missed you, LJ and our relationship needs to grow!

Alright, portfolio time!

*****EDIT*****

So I guess I lied. I did write a couple entries in May. Also, it's my mom's birthday today. Gotta make sure I call her. As I am rereading my writing, I wanted to say that I reapplied to NIU, my computer is broken, and my birthday did not suck.

c_for_chaos: (Gemini)

I popped my pride parade cherry... *grin* I didn't go alone either. Although in that kind of atmosphere, traveling with a guide dog seems unwise. Jim is a black dog. We loitered in a Walgreens parking lot so I went in and out a lot, making sure that Jim was cooled down before venturing back out into the sun. I don't plan on repeating this in the future. Although, I didn't really have a choice in the matter. All in all, everything turned out OK and Jim did not get sick or overheat. *knocks on wood* There were no trips to the ER for the dog or for myself. I did manage to get sunburnt though.

The atmosphere was incredible and there were a bunch of people. I enjoyed myself but was very anxious about Jim's wellbeing. I now own a pride flag. It's about the size of a standard keyboard for a desktop computer and rests on my bookshelf. Two days in the city is absolutely exhausting. But I love it so much. Now if only the weather would stay in the 70's, I would be a happy camper.

On a different note, my ankle is sprained and kind of beyond repair. I have a lot to catch up on.

Remind me to write about:

  • K9 encounter
  • Field Museum
  • academic advances
  • financial issues
  • upcoming anniversary with J dog
I have class in 20 minutes. Hopefully I'll update soon. Apologies to those who read. Not having available internet or computer is epic suckage.
c_for_chaos: (This is how I feel)
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In my youth, a sense of close-knit family did not seem to exist. There were so many times when I wanted to be adopted, abandoned, or somewhere away from the people who were my "family". In these past couple of days, I've learned the true meaning of family that fits who I am and what I will choose to believe for the rest of my life. My family had taught me to self-loathe, to writhe in disgust at my failures, to never give myself a break, and to constantly compare myself to others. Not knowing who I was lured me onto a path that lead away from who I wanted to be. Culture clash isn't a part of everyone's life, but it was a huge part of mine. I was usually the kid that was so vastly different from all of the students in school. Being a minority within a minority within another minority, endless hours of searching and hitting walls, falling backward, and hating myself for something I couldn't help, was a daily occuarance.

These feelings and thoughts still exist within me. Although in the past year, I have made more triumphs than in the prior year. Whether my family was here for me or here to witness me struggle, they were present. This by no means is my angsty way of saying "I hate you." or "Why did you do this to me?", but I've come to realize that my family has shaped me to be a stronger individual because of the different ways they pushed me. Society has its ways of tossing an individual with different problems and situations especially if they are a minority. From day one, I had to fight stereotype, racism, and the unknown. My parents did not find out I was legally blind until I was 6 months old. From my first breath to six months of age, we fought stereotyping and racism together. Later, I grew and learned how to live as a legally blind individual. Regardless, as an infant, a teenager, an adult, or an individual who is nearing retirement and the supposed bliss that accompanies it, that gap will still be there and it will remain until the moment I stop breathing.

Phrases of affection were not common and a warm embrace were scarce. A cut on the knee was a learning experience and a taunt from a bully was a chance to fight back. Neither of my parents were able to fight battles for me due to their language barrier and my lack of knowledge of how I was supposed react. School systems got the better of us. IEP meetings were painful to endure and embarrassing. But regardless of what was said behind their backs as we left, the insults laced with sugar coated compliments, the smiles that really said, "It sucks to be you." my parents kept their heads high. My father is a proud individual. Therefore, his confidence has rubbed off on me. My own falters and my pessimistic views often times win over my confidence, but in the end, confidence wins the battle.

My mother has shown me perseverence. She faced racism, body typing, and gained a bolder perspective of living in the U.S. that has shaped her into the woman she is today. Through her hard work and kind spirit, she pushes forward to better her children instead of herself. Unlike my father, she encouraged me to be happy and apologized every time I was upset. Ultimately, this made me feel guilty. But today we are closer because she opened herself to me. We share so much now that I am older.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010, at 9:35 AM, my sister walked through the metal door of airport security and into her future. We had a few moments before she left and I lost myself into a sea of shared tears. The embrace was real, raw, and genuine. She did not shy away or feign disgust. It was our one shot to regain lost time. It's true, we fight and are nothing alike, but from yesterday onward, I was determined to bring us closer. She didn't stop me and thus, my first letter is already in the mail. I gave her a letter and a paper crane before she crossed the threshold into terminal 1 of O'Hare International. Watching my parents cry and through my own tears, I've finally come to peace with my sister. I am proud of the person who is representing the United States Air Force and our family. Even though it's been a little over 38 hours, I miss her and it makes me ache.

Family shapes you. Your heart belongs to them unless they manage to break it beyond repair. My family through hardship and triumph is the clockwork to my life. I owe them my effort in success and for them, I will try to become a person they will be proud of in the end.

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October 2011

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